Ball of Anxiety

I don’t do well on my own. It’s taken a long time for me to admit this to myself. For some reason, there’s a certain stigma attached to the idea that someone can’t be alone. I don’t care anymore. I can’t be honest with myself or anyone else if I don’t admit that.

Living with anxiety is really hard. Living with anxiety and depression is even harder. Living with anxiety and depression and being alone is somehow even harder. Luckily I’m not alone. I have Eric. But sometimes Eric has to leave and I am alone temporarily. Last week he went on a trip for work. He was literally gone for only 59 hours, but I fell apart anyway. I’m sure it didn’t help that his leaving for his trip coincided with my cycle.

So Wednesday morning I dropped him off at the airport very early. I had plans that day to drive to Orange County and spend time helping my sister, but after dropping him off I went back home and slept for a few hours. My sister called to inform me that my nephew was sick (contagious) and so I was free to cancel. It had only been about 3 hours since dropping him at the airport, but I already felt BLAH and was ready to sleep all day, so naturally I agreed that it would be best to stay home and not get sick.

While he was gone I did 2 puzzles, completely blew my diet, cried a bit, got mad at him a few times, borderline had a panic attack, and slept A LOT. I mean come on… it wasn’t even 3 full days!

When I picked him up at the airport Friday evening I was over the moon with excitement. I kept telling him I was glad he was home and that night I couldn’t stop staring at him. Every time something like this happens, it makes me truly appreciate how lucky I am to have him. He may think it’s funny that I get like this over a 3 day trip, but he also understands. He doesn’t make fun of me for it, he’s apologetic for having to leave, and he makes me feel like he missed me too…

Hope everyone had a great weekend!


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