I mention on my About page that my husband and I are living child free, not by choice. This is something that he and I have been going through together for 4 years now. This month marks the 4th year since we began trying to start a family. Almost immediately we both began to worry that something was wrong. I felt so defeated every time my period would arrive. I had been so hopeful that I was going to be pregnant, because my period was always late. Turns out, I was having anovulatory cycles. This, as well as many other issues, all add together to mean we can’t have kids.
There’s still a wall for me, when it comes to talking about our infertility. It’s painful to discuss with people who have children and can’t put themselves in our position. It’s also painful for me to hear stories of women who have overcome infertility and try to give me hope. Ours is a different kind. We have permanent combined infertility. There is no solution to this problem.
Our infertility affects me every day. It affects my interactions with family and friends, as well as strangers. It affects my mood, which in turn affects my creativity. My art changes with my moods. Some of my works are lighter and happier, when I’m in a great mood. Some of my paintings will be darker and deeper, when my mood is a little more bleak. It’s constantly changing.
Some days I hear a pregnancy announcement and I’m fine. Some days I hear about a pregnancy I already knew about and I fall to pieces. There is honestly no telling what I will or won’t be able to handle on any given day. It’s extremely hard. If you know someone going through infertility, the best thing you can do is to tell them you’re there for them, and give them a hug. We don’t expect complete understanding of the situation, only that you respect the struggle.
I hope your week is starting off well!